Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign.
[00:00:19] Speaker B: Hi, I'm Dr. Vicki Wright Hamilton, and welcome to Ignite. Are you ready to spark your passion and fuel your leadership journey? This is where ambition meets transformation. And it begins. Let's light that fire and keep it burning. And today I am so excited. I get one of my guests back again. Is one of my favorite guests, Elena Reese, who's going to be with us to tell us more about leadership and helping us to move forward. Welcome, Alayna.
[00:00:55] Speaker A: Thank you, Vicki.
[00:00:56] Speaker C: I'm so happy to see you again.
[00:00:58] Speaker B: I am happy to have you. So glad you're here. How are things going?
[00:01:03] Speaker C: Things are going pretty well. Pretty well.
There's a lot going on out there in the world. It's hard to keep up with some things.
[00:01:11] Speaker A: Yeah.
[00:01:12] Speaker C: And I thought maybe today we could talk a little bit about side gigs or pivoting, because I think it would be relevant for a lot of your viewers.
[00:01:21] Speaker B: Absolutely. And I think that with all that's happening in the world, everything that we're be getting exposed to, the uncertainty, the not knowing people are trying to understand about jobs or losing jobs or side gigs or how do I do both to protect myself?
Retirement's going away, not seeing numbers where they were because of stock markets going down. How do we respond? How do we protect ourselves?
Talk about that a little bit. I would love to get your perspective.
When you think about pivoting, what does that mean to you?
[00:02:04] Speaker C: Yeah, that's a huge question. Right. Not just the pivot part, but all of what's going on. I think there is not one specific answer for that. But in terms of pivoting, if I may, I want to tell you a little story.
[00:02:18] Speaker A: Right.
[00:02:18] Speaker C: Awesome. In 2017, I was in my corporate job and I was at in a meeting with a colleague, and my phone rang. And I don't normally answer the phone when I'm working unless it's sort of like the school nurse. And usually you get that call and you hear, oh, I have your child. They're fine, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I answer the phone and I got, oh, I have your child. And that millisecond before she's fine lasted for maybe a minute in my head because I didn't hear she's fine. I heard she's injured and you need to come get her immediately.
And so I apologize. I stopped my meeting. I came back the next day to complete the meeting. And over the next couple of weeks, my daughter had a severe concussion. And over the next couple of weeks, I had to make some adjustments. I had some help at home I had to leave work earlier a couple of days to support and relieve my, my help.
And a few weeks later, I'm standing next to some of my colleagues in the cubicles and one of them very loudly says, it's about 5:00. He says, oh, I have to leave early today because Alana's daughter had a concussion. And all these people around him start, you know, snickering.
And my boss who is standing there says absolutely nothing.
For me, that was a moment that was a catalyst, a catalytic moment where I said, this is not an environment that is conducive to my success anymore. This isn't going to work for me. It was pivotal because it gave me the Runway to start to figure out what can I do next? Because this is not going to be a long term solution for me. Not only that there was a little bit of mockery, but that the management was silent was, was really disappointing is what happened. But I say that because I pivoted. And when you have a moment that makes you pivot, whether it's intentional or something happens that that's unintentional or unexpected, it's a really good time to assess and evaluate. What do you want to do next? What does success look like to you? And, and how can you find it in an alternate path, something different from what you were doing before? There are so many pathways. We just don't always know what they are.
[00:04:40] Speaker B: And you know, Elena, you're bringing up a very good point. I can't tell you the number of, you know, women leaders that I coach and talk to. And first of all, I want to commend you for the courage. It takes courage to really recognize an introspection. I need to move on. This is not conducive for me. The second thing is timing. How long do I stay? How long do I allow this to go on? Do I just quit and leave? Do I not? And can I afford to just quit and leave when you find yourself in that position? That I can't afford to, but I have to put up with this a little bit longer. Having the stamina to do that, knowing that your aspirations are to go somewhere else is to get out of that environment. But keeping your self care and mindset enough to the point to say, I'm going to stay here until I get something else because I can't put my family at that risk.
Understanding what kind of environment you're in, I think that it's also important as we talk about the courage and recognizing. Let's talk a little bit about the stamina to stay until that point. I'm curious, how long were you having to stay in that environment before you were able to pivot to say, this is no longer a environment for me.
[00:06:09] Speaker C: Yeah, I usually jump a little sooner than other people. That's just who I am. I did stay for probably about six more months, which I felt like was an eternity at that moment. Like the moment I knew that this was not going to be a long term solution.
Six months felt like forever. But in that time frame, what can one do? What did I do is I looked to pivot, thinking maybe this isn't the function for me versus the company. And that's not always the case. Sometimes you are doing the thing that is the right thing for you. You're just not in the right environment.
And I wasn't sure. I didn't have good guidance at that time to figure out what would be the best path for me.
It did give me time to figure out good at and what I enjoy and ultimately leave to be able to start consulting and doing that on my own. And that was a great way for me to pivot and get set up in that. In that area. But I like to work with people and help them identify. Is your need to leave or pivot? Is your need to pivot based on who you're working for or what you're doing? Because those could be really different outcomes. If you love what you're doing, but you don't love who you're doing it for, you can do the same thing elsewhere.
And conversely, if you love who you're working with and who you're doing it for, but maybe you're not thriving in the function, you might be able to pivot internally and find another function at the same company. So that's something I like to always take a hard look at. I didn't take as hard a look at that as, as I like to have other people do.
But along those lines also, Vicki, you and I have talked a lot about having side gigs, right. Getting started on that yesterday, right. Like do something you love on the side anyway. And maybe it can lead to. To something profitable. Maybe it can lead to something full time, or maybe just it can lead to something that you really enjoy.
[00:08:11] Speaker B: And you know, when you think about that, Elena, you know, it's. I know that, you know, I found myself in environments where it was like, okay, I can't do this passive aggressive thing. This is not me. This is the culture. This is how the company is. And I just wanted to run.
But what I learned was is that there were a lot of environments that were passive aggressive that operated the same way. So I had to determine how was I going to thrive and do what I enjoy doing and not let the environment control me. And so one of the things I've always said is I've never had a job. I always got paid to have fun because I loved the function of what I was doing. I actually loved the job. But I had to adapt to the environment at times because it wasn't the most inviting or rewarding environment. But I love what I did so much. I didn't want to let it go, right? I didn't. I love the people on my team. I love what I was doing. It was just the outside noise and politics and all that kind of stuff that went on that I didn't love. So I found coping mechanisms to deal with that, to stay in the joy of my heart of what I love to do. And that's not easy to do, but it has to be something that you self determine that that's what you're going to do.
And when you find yourself in a position where you can't leave, right? And you have to make it work, that's when you're really in that position to be able to say, you know, I have to make this decision, decision, but do what's best for my family in that perspective. And talking about having a job to the side in this day and age, I think everybody ought to sit down, write down, if I were rich and money was not an issue, what would I do just to have fun? What would I do just to enjoy life?
And what we can be surprised about is that joy or that fun can actually be a profitable business, right?
[00:10:27] Speaker C: 100%. 100%. And kudos to you because I think you just did something that is exactly that you have this, this passion, this side project that you've now brought to light. And I know it's my interview, but I want to interview you a little bit on it because it sounds to me like something so valuable and so important as we look to, and we've talked about this before, like the dash before you die, right? What do you want to achieve? What do you want to accomplish? What's important to you? What do you want to bring forth? And I think you just did something.
[00:10:57] Speaker B: Well, you know, it's interesting and a 30 sec backdrop to that is when I was a child, I wanted to be an actress and I wanted to be on screen and I was a plump little girl and my daddy said they don't put fat people on screens, and they surely don't put black fat people on screens. Go use your brain that God gave you and go earn some real money and don't be a starving artist. So I did what daddy told me to do, went to school, got degree, etc. But I always loved the entertainment, and I was in entertainment and cable for years. But I have a passion for working with communities. And as being a previous single mom and raising two sons and all of that, I had a passion of working with single mothers. And I'm part of a program where I had the opportunity to actually coach and mentored these single mothers through this program in Women in Technology, which I've been a part of for, like, 28 years.
And so through doing that, I had an opportunity to create a documentary. And I said, it's time for these stories to be told. These are strong women. They have been through things you cannot imagine, and it's time for the story to be told. So I am the executive director, executive producer and director of the Diary of Successful Black Single Mothers. And it actually launched on March 20th at the Regal Theaters in Atlanta, Georgia, at the Atlantic Station. And it was a dream come true. I looked up on the screen and saw my vision and said, you know what, Lord, I thank you for letting the vision come alive.
But just importantly, I thank you for giving me the stamina and the courage not only to find these women and have them give their stories, but to create an anthology book that goes along with it so that they can be authors. So it's not just about being in a documentary. It's about you can be a speaker, you can get on podcasts. You are building a platform for yourself to continue to aspire. So thanks for asking about that. We're going to take a station break and we'll be right back.
Welcome back. And Alaina, really, thank you about asking me about that community project. I tell you, I took a pet project. Now, what people don't understand about doing this documentary is that you invest to do this. But it was an investment of love.
And, you know, as I said that night, you know, it was worth every penny. If some young lady can look at herself in this screen and say, that's me, and I have a solution. I have something that I can aspire to to help me to get out of where I am, it is all worth it.
So I, like I said, it was just love. It was my hope that I'm spreading hope and joy and solutions. And I wanted multiple generations, I wanted multiple incidents Incidents, because our journeys are not alike. And as I always say, we hear the glory, but we don't know the story. And the more we're sharing our story, the more people can grow and learn. So thanks so much for asking me. I really appreciate that.
[00:14:43] Speaker C: You're welcome. And you said something that's so that. So several things that so resonated with me, one of which is that really, this wasn't your intention when you were a little girl. It wasn't. I'm going to be an actress. I'm going to direct a film about the single black mother. It wasn't that at all. You. I'm sure you had no intention of that being your path, but because of the challenges that you had, because what you had to overcome, and because you knew that there were times where you felt alone, but you're not alone, you were able to actually deliver this message in such an impactful way. I mean, I feel like that all the time where people are feeling like this isn't the right fit or I need to pivot or I just lost my job or whatever the situation is. And it's important for them to know, A, you will overcome this. I don't know when, I don't know how. We're not sure where you're going to land, but you will land. And B, you're not alone. Other people have done it, other people are doing it. And you have a community. So your ability to bring that forth in, bringing your experiences to light is just so commendable. So thank you again for that.
[00:15:54] Speaker B: Well, thank you so much. But you're bringing up a topic that I would love to continue with your thoughts, you know, as you deal with doing a lot with leadership and helping others. And we're talking about pivoting. Right. And I want to get back to the conversation that we were beginning, that we were talking about at the beginning about what's going on today.
And, you know, there's a lot of angst, there's a lot of uncertainty, there's a lot of emotional turmoil internally. I don't know what's going to happen to me. You know, that favorite radio station, WI fna, What's in it for me? And don't know, I can't predict. You know, I call myself setting myself up for success and finding out that my portfolio is going down to zero. You know, I had just retired, was getting ready to enjoy my retirement, stocks went to zero, and I got to go find a job. You know, I now find myself going back to work. And how do I pivot back to doing that. I'd like to talk a little bit about the emotional stability of pivoting, and I'd love to get your thoughts on helping individuals emotionally get ready to pivot. And what are some of the steps that you recommend to get ready for that pivoting as things are out of your control?
[00:17:16] Speaker C: Yeah, so I don't have all the answers for sure, but I would say one thing that I've always leaned back into or leaned forward into is identifying your strengths, identifying what you love, and making sure that you're doing that.
It may not lead to exactly what you expected it to, but at least you're enjoying something. You're bringing some light and life into this very difficult time. And it's so important because we can drown in our worry, we can drown in our fears and our sorrow and our concern and goodness. There's no shortage of news that's hitting us over the head to do that. But if you don't take a moment to step away and find goodness and find positivity and find joy, you're not gonna. You're not gonna make it through. You need that life preserver. You need a little bit of a. Of a life ring to bring you back and have those moments. And that is true, I think, both within the job search, within work, and within life. And we are holistic people. You can't go to, you can compartmentalize, but you're still one person who has all these facets of who you are. So it's really critical to look at your strengths, look at what you enjoy, and find a way to incorporate that into your world.
[00:18:34] Speaker B: You know, I couldn't agree with you more. And I think, you know, I call it the portfolio of life. And I have started using this method years ago, but right now, and I think it really. It really became strong during COVID when we all were trapped in, didn't know what to do, etc. But I had to. You talk about compartmentalizing, but I had to, to do my time portfolio to my life portfolio. What am I doing for the wellness of me just for today? How am I going to get through mentally, emotionally today? This is a circumstance today. These are the things I can change. These are the things I can't change. So within that life portfolio of time, where am I dedicating the time to the things that I want to change, that are within my power to change, that I can make myself feel better, and what are the things I have to stop doing that I can't do for A while it was like, I'm not watching the news, I can't do it every single day with something negative. Our minds need dopamine. They need to feel something positive. They need to feel. Your mind needs to feel good. God made us to feel happy and joyful, not to be sad all the time. So I had to really look at how is spending not only that time, but it's time and spending one thing but mentally life wise, what am I spending so that I'm really concentrating and focusing on the things that are I, I can change, be that are within my power and see that are going to feed me the joy that I need during the circumstances of wherever I am. Because every day is different, no two days are the same. And being able to adapt, that allows me the day you notice, get up in the morning and say, you know what, I need a massage today. I can't do this. I need a massage. I need to take a mental break and I need a 30 minute massage. And being within my control, making that happen and going to do it, not putting it off. Right. Just like it's within my control, within my business. I need to gain some revenue. I need to make 10 phone calls today. That's within my control. Having conversations is within my control. Being able to talk about the value that I bring is within my control. I'm going to do that to make me feel better. Right. It's just because we're in times of so much that's not within our control and uncertainty that it becomes really, really difficult. Yeah.
[00:21:11] Speaker C: And you said something else which I wholeheartedly like hold on to, which is sometimes you have to take it day by day or hour by hour or moment by moment. Because if you're looking same thing, you know, there are things you can control and things that you can't and what you can control. Yeah. May want to make it so that you are generating some light in your life, in your circumstance, whatever that light is for the moment. And that's important too. For the moment. Like in this moment I am feeling very tense, very stressed, very sad, very concerned, very angry, whatever that emotion is. Okay, let's look at this moment and how I can pivot, how I can change it, how I can address it. Because maybe in an hour I'll feel better, but if I don't do something now, it's going to fester, it's going to grow. There have been days recently where I've awakened and I've done the worst thing you can do. I've looked at the News first thing in the morning. And I've been like, I'm okay with this. I'm okay with it. And then I feel the tension in my body, and I realize, like, I think I'm okay, but I'm not. I need to take care of this now. So I go for a walk or I do something outside.
I'm not on my phone, I'm not on the news. I do something to completely be human again.
[00:22:28] Speaker B: You know what, Elena? And let's talk about what's real. Because what you just said, let's get really real. There was one day I got up and I was looking at. I didn't intend to look at the news. It just happened to be on. And when I got off. When they got off the news, I sat at my desk and I said, lord, thank you for giving me faith. Because if I didn't have faith, I filed bankruptcy and forget it all and just say, it doesn't matter. Literally, I'll file bankruptcy like everybody else does, regardless of how much revenue is in the bank. I'll just file bankruptcy, say, forget the business, and I'll just forget it all. Because in that moment of intensity, it was like, oh, my gosh, what else is going to happen? What else is going to be robbed from us? What else can't we do? So I then stepped away and said, but I got faith. And that's when I had to stop and pray. Because if I had to pray, you know, it was one of those moments that was like, I got to get back to my roots. What I know I gotta pray. I have faith. I know it's going to be okay. But that little instance of trying to figure that out was not easy.
[00:23:44] Speaker C: A friend of mine said, and I'm going to quote her, she said, you can have faith or you can have fear. Both are things that you don't. You don't know. You don't know either one. They're both like this. This abstract belief. They're both a belief. So you can have fear or you can have faith. And you don't have to be religious to have faith. It's just a function of, you know, what. What's going to happen is going to happen. There's a component that's out of my control. Let me. Let me walk along my day.
[00:24:12] Speaker B: That's right. That's exactly right.
[00:24:14] Speaker C: Do what I can while I can.
[00:24:17] Speaker B: That's true. That's true. And the last minute or so before we go, you know, I think one of the things that's important to address as we start to talk about pivoting and moving forward. And it's great to have all these ideologies and things you want to do, but I think it's important for us to leave our listeners with a few things when it comes to I don't have the money, I can't find the money, so how do I pivot? What do I do? And I believe that there are some non cost strategies that can help us with our mindset, our leadership and help us to move forward. I'd love to get a couple of your thoughts on what some of those non cost strategies are that you can truly use to say I need to pivot, but what are the exercises I can go through to help myself pivot?
[00:25:05] Speaker C: One right off the bat is identifying what you want to do in your non work hours. What do you want to do in your non work hours? And connecting with other people is a great resource. You don't have to do something expensive to connect with other people. You can go for a walk, you can have a phone call, you can have a zoom conversation and just having that connection can re engage who you are, bring that forth. It's not a revenue generator by any stretch, but it's certainly a way to kind of come back home to who you are.
Having that connection, that human connection is absolutely something I highly recommend. And I don't know if you're like me, I'm an ambivert. Sometimes it's really challenging for me to sit, step outside my comfort zone and make it happen. But whenever I do, I'm so happy that I have done so. Because connecting with other people is critical. It's human. You can write notes to yourself, you can write notes to other people, you can have them write notes to you, the old fashioned letters, whatever it is, there are ways, there are ways to, to read, you know, to read and, and read healthy things, right. And keep yourself engaged in the positive.
[00:26:19] Speaker B: So as we end on that note, one of the things, I'm so glad you said that because to me it's about community and when you connect, you get other ideas cost you nothing to share, ideas of thought. And so that can revitalize you as you keep going. I am so happy we had this conversation today. Alaina, thank you so much for coming back on the show and giving my listeners another view of pivoting. When we talk about our environment and leadership, we're going to take a station break and when we come back, we're going to continue this conversation on pivoting in leadership and get into Leadership of knowing your wellness. We'll be right back.
Welcome back to Ignite and if you missed that last episode, you really need to go back and listen to it. Alaina really gave us some great input. I am so happy to welcome my next guest. This is Jessica Summers. She is a cognitive behavioral therapist and she's going to get into talking to us about something that is near and dear to my heart. We talk about leadership, but understanding leadership from being aware of our own self wellness and care. And she's going to share her story and tell us a little bit about that. Welcome, Jessica.
[00:27:55] Speaker A: Thank you. Thanks for having me. So glad to be here and I'm.
[00:27:59] Speaker B: So happy you're here. So as we get started, in order to set a little bit of the foundation, I would love for you to share a little bit of your story about understanding your own health and self care.
[00:28:17] Speaker A: So you want me to dig in there and how I got involved in this down to the nitty gritty.
So yeah, I mean, this is why I do what I do. Because I didn't know what I didn't know until I came crashing down. And I mean, you know my full story.
I'll give you a little tidbit of it, but life showed up after my second pregnancy. Complications, they left some placenta behind and that was the beginning of the end.
I was going to the doctor doing all the right things, but it was one thing after another.
And what you, what I know now is I got caught in the trap of if I'm going to the doctor and doing all the right things, then I can still push and do all the things that I'm accustomed to.
But I bad idea.
Bad idea. Because I didn't see how I started to get sucked in mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
It, everything started feeding off of each other. And when you're in it, it is very difficult to see how far in it you are.
So days turned into weeks turned into months turned into years of one infection after another. I had an overgrowth of bacteria from too many antibiotics. So I would be given more antibiotics. And that what I know about antibiotics now, I mean, just that alone was, I mean, my stomach, I was in pain every day. And then I had, you know, other complications, ruptured ovarian cysts and hiatal hernia and just one thing after another.
So when those things happen, you don't realize that you start to question yourself, what am I doing?
What am I doing wrong?
How come I can't show up as a wife, as a mother, as a business owner? You Know, back then I was a fashion designer and I owned a boutique, and I'm doing the stuff, trying to show up.
And the old me and my old way of being was push, push your way through.
And I. I didn't even know I was doing it until it was, I mean, way too late. Addiction to my doctor prescribed pain pills, went to street drugs, kind of gave up. At the same time, I was trying to get help.
But you. You lose yourself. You're not even the person that you know yourself to be.
Where in all of that do you lose yourself until you are aware?
My awareness become aware.
[00:31:32] Speaker B: When did you become aware of this? How did this happen?
[00:31:36] Speaker A: My awareness came after I crashed and burned and lost everything. I mean, I ended up homeless with nothing. I mean, it just one thing after another. I had a. I. I will say in all honesty, I think I. I did this intentionally. Caused myself to have a. A psychotic break. I was so lost and distraught and questioning my own questioning. Like I didn't understand that. I didn't understand, which didn't.
You know, you're just. You're in a place that. I mean, it was spiritual warfare.
[00:32:23] Speaker B: Okay.
[00:32:25] Speaker A: It was a. A darkness and a.
A place I would not wish on my worst enemy.
And when you are reaching out for help and you look okay on the outside, good luck trying to advocate for yourself. I mean, I was in.
[00:32:43] Speaker B: Talk a little bit about that, Jessica. And first of all, I want to thank you for being on the show and your transparency and sharing your story, because I think there's so many components here of what you're saying. First of all, I want to understand.
Did you know you were addicted? How did you figure out you were addicted? And there was a problem there to begin with.
[00:33:06] Speaker A: Right. So initially the. I had went to my. I asked my husband to come with me. I said, come to my new doctor because we had moved too. So I had to kind of start a whole new process over with new doctors and specialists.
So someplace in there your.
And I didn't know this. I was prescribed them to take on a as need basis.
And I would wait till the very last minute until I was like buckled over in pain because I'm still showing up where I need to show up. So I'd be gobbling them down, trying to almost like catch up.
[00:33:46] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:33:49] Speaker A: Somewhere in that I had become. And I didn't know it. Habituated. And this is how I found out. I asked my husband come to my new doctor. I tell him what's been going on. And very matter of fact, he says oh, yeah, you're habituated. I mean, that's just a nice way of saying you're addicted to drugs, you know? So I said, okay, now what? You know? So he had also, at that time now had said that I had fibromyalgia. He was going to put me on a medication for. I was still dealing with a hiatal hernia. I was on medication for that. We were going through antidepressants because I was big time depressed, and I don't even know all the different kinds of combinations of medications. We're going to wean you off this. We're going to put you on that. And I was expected, really to do it on my own with the help of my husband, which lasted one day. And the conversations were, get it together.
And when you're.
I don't even know how to. I already felt terrible that I wasn't the person that I knew myself to be.
The conversations and the way I'm being spoken to, I'm shrinking, shrinking, shrinking.
I get to a point to, where am I even worth the work?
Because now I have these labels.
I know these labels, too. They're the same labels that I've heard growing up. Like, this is right. This is good, this is bad. If you do these things, this. This is who you are.
So now I am this person. This is who I'm thinking I am, too, because every time I try to stop taking them because I don't know. Addiction. Yes. In my 20s, I partied like a rock star. If there's drugs, I mean, not hardcore drugs, but if there were drugs around, maybe I did, maybe I didn't, and went on with my life.
There is a big difference between making choices and addiction.
So here I am trying to stop, but I don't know the difference anymore between what is addiction, what is in my control, what are my actual physical pains. That started from the beginning because there are a lot of similarities in withdrawal that nobody told me about.
I mean, it took for me to crash and burn and lose everything, to start to do the work myself, to have the education around all of these symptoms. What? What, like addiction and the brain on addiction and all of these things. It took all of that to finally get the help that I needed because there. There was no conversation other than get it together.
[00:37:08] Speaker B: So, you know, you said that, you know, you were with your family and you were a wife and a mother. You said your husband helping you only lasted one day. How. How were you able to deal with your kids? I know that there's a lot of challenges when it comes to addiction and having children and all of that, and that adds to all of the emotional instability. You're supposed to be looked up as a leader. Your mom, you're the one doing it. Can you talk to the listeners a little bit about that?
[00:37:43] Speaker A: That part was the part that almost killed me.
The shame and the guilt around knowing that you are the. The reason, the cause and effect to everything that is going on, the very thing that you're fighting to protect is killing you at the same time. It is a horrible place to find yourself in, especially when not only will I, I mean, kind of mentally abusing myself, like, what is your problem?
You say you don't want to be doing this, then why are you.
But again, it took me to come so far removed from it, to know that when you're in it, you need help, you need guidance. And for me, I really did have the physical ails. I was in pain. I was dealing with the mental health part of it. So I had all of it. I mean, it, it is a.
A hell I would not wish on anyone. And. But it's not just happening to you. It is happening to your children.
[00:39:09] Speaker B: We're going to take a station break, and when we come back, I want to talk a little bit more about how we overcome this. Once you acknowledge it, at the point you acknowledged it, and even when you hit rock bottom, being able to come out of rock bottom, what are those solutions and things that you can offer the audience? We're going to take a station break. We'll be right back.
Welcome back. And if you missed the first part of this segment, you definitely have to go back and listen to it. Jessica Summers is sharing her story of getting on addiction and not knowing it, listening to doctors and taking medicines and getting addicted to pain medicines and not understanding what all was happening to her through all of these trials and tribulations. Again, Jessica, thank you so much for your transparency and sharing your story. I know this will help so many people. So before our station break, we were talking about the impact to the kids, and you were saying that when you know that you're the, the cause and the effect of everything and the challenges that are going on and how your husband said, get it together. I don't, I don't understand. I don't get this. But you're saying you need help knowing what you know now, what would you say to somebody else who finds themselves in this position? How do you get help? What do you do? How do you start that process? Because you really don't want to be this person, right?
[00:40:59] Speaker A: So this is so important because I made every single mistake, and it's a mistake that I see so many people doing, is that guilt and shame gets you stuck in, trying to figure it out on your own. And you actually need all the help in the world at that moment.
What. What I needed was a. I found a facility that was a dual diagnosis, and it was a. Like an inpatient facility for mental health and for addiction. And that ended up, I mean, saving my life because I was still having medication reactions. I was still one week in.
Nobody, again, they didn't want to listen to me. I said, I have these stomach issues, and I have reactions to medications. I've been in the hospital for this. That. The other thing. You're fine. It's withdrawal. I know withdrawal. This is not it. A week later, I end up in the er and this time it was pancreatitis. I mean, I'm throwing up like sludge.
Again, these labels, right? This is. This is the tough part. And I've watched it over and over and over. It is very difficult to advocate for yourself when you have these labels.
So.
But what helped me is since I was enrolled in this program at the time, they took me and. And took me back out. When I was, you know, a week out of the hospital, I went right back into the program. This is where I kept, like, where I kept missing out, because trying to do it on your own, you. A lot of times I would be sent home from the hospital with pain medication.
I'm not in the position to help myself. I need guidance in every way. But because of what I thought to be right, wrong, good, bad, you start to beat yourself up again. Like, why can't I do this? I. I'm a leader. I am this. I show up for everything I can, Right? But in this, no, you need help. So, again, for me, this dual diagnosis help me understand the. The separation of your mental health, how to take care of your mental health, your physical health, your brain. Your brain on addiction, what addiction is, and the separation of these things and the education, the light bulbs that went off, because then you know how to ask for help.
This is how I'm feeling. This is where the difficulty is. Is it my physical? Is it my mental? Is it the addiction?
Right there. There is so much involved in it. It is not a character flaw.
It is not a moral dilemma.
It is one of the most difficult illnesses that a person can face. Addiction is not a choice.
[00:44:35] Speaker B: Wow.
Wow. So when you got this and you started asking for help, can you tell us a little bit about the story of how you overcame and then tell our listeners about where you are today.
[00:44:51] Speaker A: So the biggest and the best thing I did when is when I started I stopped listening to the outside noise, the outside influence, the. Even though there were people that meant well.
If you don't know mental health challenges, if you don't know addiction, it's almost not the way I feel it. How dare you would I give someone advice on how to do chemotherapy if I not going through chemotherapy, if I don't have cancer?
Right. But we take this very lightly and or we still label and judge mental health and addiction as a character flaw. Get it together when again you need help. You need help until you get some footing under it. To understand where. When I started doing the work on myself, I actually started pulling back a lot of band Aids.
I, I know now in one way or another I would have ended up crashing and burning because I had so many unhealed traumas.
So in a way for my own personal journey, even though I wouldn't have quite have picked that tough of a journey, it made me do the work and then some, you know, so it was almost okay. This was life. This is how life showed up for me. I had to heal and grow and learn through those things. But then it also invited me to dig a little deeper. But that's when the miracles started arriving.
[00:47:03] Speaker B: Let's talk about those miracles.
[00:47:07] Speaker A: Once you get out of your own way of trying to show up for other people and their this is who you are, this is what's wrong with you. This is how to fix you. And, and, and because I had learned to have the courage, first of all, which I didn't even know I didn't have right to go, okay, I'm not going to listen to that anymore. I'm just going to take a chance on me for a minute.
And it, for me it took a near death experience to say, God, why would you want me to suffer so bad?
And I heard him and I felt him when I was simultaneously did enough drugs to kill me, wasn't trying to but that little glimmer of hope and a little like a feeling of oh wait a minute, I can do this, I can start doing this for myself.
Oh wait, there's more to this story, right? It was just that little bit.
And I mean I would slide back, right? I would fall back into the trap of. Because when you have the majority of people telling you what's wrong with you.
Well, if the majority of people are saying this is what's wrong with you, isn't that? Yeah, it must be true.
But when you keep hitting the wall over and over and over, I mean, what in the world is it gonna take for you to snap out of it and wake up?
For me, it took a near death experience and God saying hello already, I got you.
Shut it down and listen to me.
And now, I mean, I wouldn't do it any other way.
You know, it makes me who it.
I. I wish, and I guess a lot of people say this. I wish I would have known this a long time ago.
[00:49:38] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:49:39] Speaker A: You know, yeah.
[00:49:41] Speaker B: So let's talk about the relationship with your beautiful children.
[00:49:49] Speaker A: Again. I didn't know what I did know. And I'm so glad I woke up because the relationship, even though I know I was a good parent, I still, one way or another, would have eventually crashed and burned anyway because I was so. I was pushing so hard to be the parent that I wanted to be instead of being the parent that I know in my heart and soul to be. There is a difference.
And now I can show up. My girls, they both.
I don't know how many times they have told me how proud they are of me and that we're best friends and they don't know what they would do without me. And, and, and, and I mean, that is what lights me up because there was a time that they had come up to me and said there were people. I won't mention the people, but that had told them that I was a bipolar drug addict that had abandoned them when in actuality, I had been misdiagnosed because nobody wanted to listen to the journey of how I got here. I got medicated for that and I was given separation papers. I didn't have a choice, so. But they know my story and they know, like, I didn't give up on you.
[00:51:24] Speaker B: That is such a beautiful testimony of how you come full circle. Now in the last 30 seconds, tell my audience what you do from a cognitive behavioral therapy.
[00:51:39] Speaker A: So questioning what you question. Let's get into your head, let's get out of that overthinking and make a plan out so you can start living your life. We get so wrapped up in what we think we're supposed to know that that's exactly what keeps us stuck from going any further.
I help you get out of here and into living your life on your terms, the way it was meant for you always to be.
[00:52:09] Speaker B: Now with that audience, we can end on that note. We want all of you to ignite your fire the way you want to ignite your fire. Thank you so much for joining us. This episode of Ignite. Thank you, Jessica, for coming on the show. Your transparency, all of your insights. We really appreciate you being here. Until next time, light your own fire and let it ignite. See you next time.
This has been a NOW Media Network's feature presentation.
[00:52:45] Speaker A: All rights reserved.
