Episode Transcript
[00:00:00] Speaker A: Foreign Hi, I'm Vicki Wright Hamilton and welcome to Ignite. Are you ready to spark your passion and fuel your leadership journey? This is where ambition meets action and transformation begins. Let's light the fire and keep it burning.
Today I am so happy to have with me Tameka Jones.
She is a transformational life coach and has really gotten a lot of her experience of coaching through. She is a veteran of the United States Air Force.
Thank you for your service.
And she's also an experienced nurse. She has over 23 years of experience and also a speaker and author.
One of her things that she loves to do that we know we like to talk about on this show is how to help women.
And her topic is going to be around self doubt, embracing radical self love emotional and how to live with purpose through her signature program. So I can't wait to talk to her about the limitless Queen coaching program.
So here she is. Let's welcome her to the show. Ms. Tameka Jones. How are you?
[00:01:40] Speaker B: Pretty good. Thanks for having me. Ms. Vicky glad to be here. Thank you.
[00:01:45] Speaker A: No problem.
I'm glad you're here with us and I'm glad that you're going to share some great insights with our audience because I know they're going to learn a lot.
[00:01:55] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:01:56] Speaker A: So, you know, talk a lot about, in coaching about confidence.
We talk about how we feel, you know, when we are moving forward. But oftentimes, you know, when we're talking about that confidence, we feel like we're pretending to be confident and really falling apart inside. And I'm sure you've experienced this with clients that you've spoken to, et cetera.
So the first question I want to talk about is what do you think? Why do you think so many people feel pressure to fake it instead of getting real about what they're struggling with?
[00:02:36] Speaker B: You know, I think we all have heard that cliche or that meme, right? Fake it till you make it right. But, but eventually, right? You, you can't fake it forever, right. But a lot of times I feel that society puts so much pressure on women and men to, to, to be something that they're, they're not, right? So they end up faking it, right? They end up faking it and end up, you know, doing things at a, that doesn't align with them, doing things that doesn't align with their purpose, that. Their purpose, their values, their, their morals. Right? And, and that's not them. Right. So I really think a lot of times society, your environment, maybe your parents or your spouse, you know, put that Heavy burden on us, you know, on women and men, to become something that you're truly not. And you do end up faking it, right? Which is not good. Totally not good.
[00:03:39] Speaker A: Well, you know, when we talk about faking it, you know, we're talking about not being authentic, right? Because you can't really show what, you know, people are not thinking that they can show those feelings, those emotions and things that happen. And, you know, when you get into companies and you work in businesses and you're trying to make that good impression, you're trying to fit into the culture, you're trying to make a difference, a lot of times we can lose ourselves to fake it so that we can truly move up the ladder or get another opportunity or things like that. Have you experienced that at all with your clients?
[00:04:19] Speaker B: Not per se, but I know personally in the military, I served, like I said, I served for 23 years in the Air Force, and I would. I don't know if you call it fake it or just because we wear 2, 2, 1, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 12 ma, right, at work, you know, we're one person, you know, with our troops, you know, and then we have to wear another mask, right? With leadership, you know, then we go home, take that mask off, you know, we have another mask, right, with our family and our spouse and kids. And then when we go down range, right, to execute the mission, you know, deploy, right, we're wearing a different mask. So I don't know if you say, want to say fake it, but I think, and for me personally, just wearing several masks in the military is what I've experienced, because at the end of the day, you know, it all comes off. It all comes off at the end of the day.
[00:05:18] Speaker A: Now, I really appreciate that perspective and I appreciate that thought process because, you know, it's like you say you wear a different mask. It's kind of like we wear different masks for different roles we play. And the question is, is as we're playing that role, faking it to make it in that role. So I really appreciate that insight as you're sharing it with the audience, what is the difference between real confidence and just looking confident in your mind?
[00:05:47] Speaker B: Real confidence and looking confidence.
Real confidence is action behind it. We can say all day long, right, that even here. Let me give you an example of me, right, in the studio today. Who would think Tameka would be here in the studio, studio recording, you know, three years ago, five years ago.
But I didn't start here, right? I didn't grow overnight too But I had to take baby steps, right? And in those baby steps, I was able to find my way, find my voice, find out who Tamika really is. Right. And through those baby steps, I became her. Right. So confidence is something that grows over time. I don't think we're born with it. I think we have to cultivate it. Right. Tap into it.
And there is a difference between acting confident and being confident. But I think it's not genuine. It's not genuine, right? Because you genuinely can't act. Well, you can, but it shows up totally different from being your true, authentic self.
[00:06:58] Speaker A: Yeah, you're right. And I think that through the emotions that you share and things that you do, it can. It can actually show through that. You're trying to look confident, but you really don't feel confident because you're not coming off with that.
With that feeling to others that, look, they know what they're talking about. They're confident about what they're talking about. They know what's going on. So I agree with you when it comes to that. Can you share a story from one of your coaching, from coaching work that you've done with somebody where they were pretending to truly. Where they went from pretending to truly believing in themselves?
[00:07:36] Speaker B: So one of my clients, she was a people pleaser, right? She would go to work and day in, day out and give her all to everybody, but wouldn't pour back into herself.
She would take more tasks than what she's supposed to take on and not delegate the workout accordingly, and she end up becoming burnt out because of that.
And I wouldn't say she lacked the confidence, but she lacked boundaries.
And with boundaries, there is some confidence in setting boundaries.
So she was able to.
Able to say no and able to set boundaries at work, able to set boundaries at home with her loved ones. And we worked through it. And I told her or I.
[00:08:39] Speaker A: When.
[00:08:39] Speaker B: We did our session, one session, I'm just trying to recap the session. And I told her, and it was so simple, but it. It's profound, right? I told her no is a complete sentence.
No is a complete sentence. And at that very moment, she started crying, right? Because she said, wow, simple, but very profound. And I need to practice that. So the more she practiced it by saying no and no explanation needed, right? Her confidence began to build and she was able to do it at work, set those boundaries at work, set those boundaries at home with loved ones, with her spouse, and she just became a new woman. I saw the transition in her and the transformation in her, and she just lit up and, you know, was just thanking me because it was just so simple. No is a complete sentence. You don't need any explanation or justification for your nos. Right, right.
[00:09:36] Speaker A: And you know, it's interesting. You're protecting yourself, right? You're protecting your time, you're protecting your emotions, you're protecting yourself. And so to be able to say, no, I'm not going to do this, a lot of times, you know, when I talk to people as well, you know, I'll say to them, well, what was the purpose of going to that event? What was the purpose of making that happen?
And because time is the most precious asset we have and we can't get it back, it's gone. It's gone. So you need to make sure that where you're spending it and what you're doing is something that truly is going to exemplify you, is going to fit in with your time portfolio, what's important to you, between family, fun, work, et cetera, so that you can then have that, that boundaries. I completely love what you're saying. Saying, no, no, I'm not going. No, I'm not doing this. And you don't need to justify your why.
Right, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Well, in the last minute, before we take a station break, what daily affirmation or mindset shifts, that helps people build their authentic confidence.
[00:10:43] Speaker B: So my go to affirmation is. And I'm gonna say it three times because I really want you all to get this one because it's a game changer.
Everything is working out for my greater good, no matter how it looks.
Everything is working out for your greater good, no matter how it look.
One last time.
Everything is working out for my greater good, no matter how it look. So write it down, put it in your phone, save it, and every time you're hitting any type of contrast or anything that's going on in your life, that's, you know, self doubt imposter syndrome, all the things, right? Continue to say that and don't just say it. Right. Don't just say. We can say affirmations all day long, right? But we have to feel it. Once you feel it and become it, guess what? Things will start to align with it and with you.
So that's my go to affirmation.
[00:11:43] Speaker A: Now, I love that I'm gonna have to start using that one every day. You know, I think that's very powerful and it allows you to really align with what you want to do. Your vision, your strategy, where you're trying to go so ultimately you can reach that vision.
[00:11:59] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:12:00] Speaker A: We're going to take a station break and when we come back, we're going to talk to Tameka about feeling stuck in life that doesn't feel like yours. We'll be right back.
Welcome back. And I tell you, if you missed that last segment with Tameka Jones, you missed a treat.
This segment, we're actually going to talk about how people feel.
You know, how we're going to keep people from feeling stuck in that thing called life when it doesn't feel like yours. And remind you if you love Ignite, then you can find this on many different platforms.
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Ready whenever you are. So welcome back to Miko.
You know, I really want to get into what it feels in terms of feeling, you know, like we get stuck a lot of times. You know, we all have moments where it's like, I'm just stuck. I don't know what to do and where to go.
And so after people have, you know, been doing things, it's kind of like checking a task box. We just do. We just do. But we're not sure what are some of the signs that someone is stuck in survival mode and has lost their sense of joy and purpose.
[00:14:18] Speaker B: So the signs where someone is stuck and just purely survive, really surviving.
I will say some of the signs are just when you see someone that's frustrated, right? They're frustrated, they're overwhelmed, negative. Everything that comes out of their mouth is negative.
Those are all signs that they might be stuck, right? They stuck as far as job satisfaction, not feeling that they're worth, they're worth anything or worthy of that job, right? Or worthy of getting the ideal job that they may want.
Someone who feel like they're stuck in a relationship, you know, and they don't see any way out of it, they're depressed. So depression, just feeling unworthy, sad, all those things are signs of someone who may feel stuck.
[00:15:18] Speaker A: You know, it's interesting. We talk about feeling Stuck. We talk about, you know, even that depression thing, and we know that the mindset and the feelings are real. You know, people can go through the, those feelings and they feel them for real. And it's like, okay, what am I going to do? I don't, you know, I'm just not feeling like me.
[00:15:39] Speaker B: Right.
[00:15:40] Speaker A: So as you've gone to move forward, have you personally done a shift from just getting through life to truly living life?
[00:15:48] Speaker B: I have, I have. And it started after my transition out of the military. You know, it was hard transition, right?
To having routine, having structure for 23 years, to letting it all go, retiring and stepping out into the civilian sector.
And when I did that, it was scary, right? Because 23 years, I eat, free sleep, the military, right? That's all I know.
So stepping out and doing something totally different, I was stuck, right? And then it tied into me finding my purpose. When I retired from the military, I'm like, who is Tameka? What. What do I want in life? What is. I am a registered nurse, right. And I know, I always knew that service is in my DNA, right? Hence why I joined the military, hence why I became a nurse and now life coaching. But I was just stuck. I didn't know what to do and how to get there, right. So I just had to take a pause, right. And rediscover who Tameka really was. And that was my self love journey. That was the journey I took after the military. And that's what sparked my purpose and passion in life. And I'm so grateful for it. So grateful for it. And I share this with women as well, who's transitioning out of the military or who feel stuck. I help them through my coaching programs to get to where they want to get to live the abundant life that they desire and deserve.
[00:17:20] Speaker A: You know, I love that and thank you for that and especially the impact. I'm an Air Force brat, so I completely understand. Moved around all the time, you know, and families have impacts, just like the service people have impacts, right? And even those emotional things you have to go through and the adjustments of knowing only thing you know how to do is pack a bag and move.
[00:17:41] Speaker B: Right?
[00:17:42] Speaker A: Pack a box, pack a bag and let's go.
[00:17:44] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:45] Speaker A: You know, anything else. And so as you get older and it's like, God, I don't have roots to go back to. Say, I grew up with this person all my life, you know, et cetera. So there is, there are adjustments that are there. But I want to dig a little deeper into what you said.
What was your Self journey of love. What steps did you go through? How did you actually determine? I know people get stuck and they want to know a little bit about how.
So how did you reclaim that and move forward?
[00:18:16] Speaker B: So when I retired from the military, I wanted to start a business. I didn't know what it was, what I wanted to do, but I started seeking mentorship to start a business.
And I did start a business and I started with women empowerment T shirts, right? And for me, my biggest fear was public speaking. So I've always been so terrified of public speaking.
So I said, okay, God, I can tell my story and I can tell it through my apparel.
So that's where I started, right? And I got the divine download flawless. I was in my closet and was meditating, praying and trying to find something to put on. And anybody knows me know that I'm a T shirt queen. So that's kind of the inspo behind the T shirts as well. So.
So the word flawless came to me. So everything flawless, everything I do is flawless, right? But it's not what society says flawless is, right? It's not that. My definition of flawless is self love, confidence and resilience, right? Someone who's walking in their purpose and living out their truth, right? And being the best version of themselves, that's a flawless woman and that's a flawless man, right?
So I started my apparel company and a year later, you know, got another download Divine Download. No, no, no, Tamika, that's not where I told you to go or do you did that based on fear, right?
So that is my journey. And that's when I kind of started the coaching, right? But before the coaching, let me rewind a couple a year before the coaching, I hired a life coach, right? Because I was stuck and I felt like I couldn't do this by myself and I couldn't. Tired of, you know, playing small. Tired of shrinking in groups, Tired of these self limiting beliefs that are. That has been holding me back for years. Tired of not having a voice, right? So I hired a life coach and the life coach said, okay, it's super good. You have your therapist, that's fine. But I'm your life coach, right? And the therapist help you unpack the crap from your past, right? But I'm going to help you take that crap, take it to the side of the road, we're going to put it in a dumpster and we're going to close that lid. That's what I'm helping you do.
[00:20:39] Speaker A: And I'm like, oh my goodness, that's super dope.
[00:20:42] Speaker B: That's what I want to do.
And she walked with me through my self love journey, just healing from childhood trauma, you know, to trauma in the military and just to being that woman. Right? To being the best version of self. And that's who I'm becoming.
My new name is becoming her because I am becoming her.
[00:21:04] Speaker A: Wow. Now you talk about a powerful journey and story, you know, especially with all the transitions you have to go through. And yes, we all have baggage. We got baggage from kids, from adults, from childhood, et cetera. We all have baggage.
But listening to you talk about this journey of how you were able to overcome and say, and I love what you said, I have my therapist. And then I had my, I had my life coach. And the one thing that I think we all have to remember, a therapist is not a bad word. And I'm so glad you were authentic enough to talk about that because as we all have baggage, we need a therapist. We all need a therapist, right. At some point in time to help us get through those things. But as this life coach was saying, we're going to put it, you know, in a dumpster to the side of the road. I like that, you know, that thought process, because we need to move on and how do we move on and what does that look like?
So in that mindset, you know, when you.
What does freedom and alignment look like when somebody finally starts living there on their own terms?
It looks like me.
[00:22:21] Speaker B: It looks like me.
Freedom and alignment. So freedom and alignment is something that, that comes after you found yourself, after you truly understand that the true meaning of love and loving yourself and putting yourself first, not being, not putting yourself first in a selfish way, but in a loving way. A lot of times we don't even know what love is, right? So we don't know what, what peace looks like or even alignment, Right? Because we haven't tapped into that word love, right?
And but once we, we learn how to love ourselves, we're able to love the next person, our, our spouse, our people, period, right?
And I think that's when you'll find your peace, when you find love and your purpose, right. Once you find your purpose and start to align with that purpose, that peace that surpasses all understanding will take place. And you would know it because you will feel it. You will feel it.
[00:23:32] Speaker A: You know, that message of freedom that you're talking about is profound and, you know, it's really impactful. And I would encourage those that are ready to step out into their autopilot and become themselves.
Let Me ask you where can they follow you and get involved in your program?
[00:23:54] Speaker B: I am so glad you asked.
Everything flawless for me. Everything flawless. So flawless. Life coaching on Instagram, Tick tock.
Also Facebook. Everybody's on Facebook, right? Facebook.
But my website is www.flawlesslifecoaching.com. tamika Jones.
[00:24:16] Speaker A: Well, that's fantastic. Well, we're gonna take a station break. I'm so excited. I just love talking to you, Tamika. And I know the audience is getting a lot. When we come back, we're going to talk about learning to love yourself.
Life breaks you. We'll be right back.
[00:24:34] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:24:38] Speaker A: Welcome back. And we're here with Tamika Jones, whose coaching work is rooted in healing, hope and radical self love. In this segment, we're going to go deeper because the truth is life can break us, but it can also rebuild us.
So in that vein, Tamika, I would love to ask you, you have walked through some deep valleys. You've already talked about your experience and what you've done and none of us that haven't served in the military can relate to all the things you're doing, you know, to help us to live a good life and putting your life on the line. And so again, thank you for your service and what you provided to the country.
So my question to you is, you've walked through these deep valleys yourself. What helped you to start the journey towards healing and self love?
[00:25:33] Speaker B: For me, I was just tired of being stuck and I knew I wanted more in life. Right. Didn't know what that looked like but I knew I wanted more in life and I knew I wanted to help other women like myself. Right.
So that, that sparked the transformation.
And I do have an eight year old, seven year old, she'll be eight next year. Wow. Yeah, I do. I started late in life but it's okay.
Yeah, so, so yeah, she, she's looking at, you know, up to me to be her, her, her mentor, her guide her. I'm her mom. Right. So I had to, to reposition myself, right.
So I can be the best version of myself, not only for myself but for her because she once again, she is looking up to me.
So that was, that played an intricate part of me finding who Tameka really is and also that self love journey that I went on.
And if I can give any, anyone out there a word of advice, I just step out. Step out on faith. Right? Step out and start to find people, resources, all the things that's going to help you grow and cultivate that self love. But for me, I was Just tired of playing small, tired of feeling like I wasn't worthy enough. Right.
Yeah.
[00:27:03] Speaker A: Well, you know, Tamika, first of all, thank you for your authenticity and sharing with the audience. I think it's so important.
Then when we talk about self love, we really talk about, you know, experiences that we've had because you never know who's listening and going through the same challenges you are. And you know, you talked about service and serving others and, you know, doing what you do. And I too have a strong faith. So, you know, it really, it does make a difference, you know, as we are sharing our testimonies, you know, to help others as we move forward. I'd like to find out from you, why do so many people think that they have to be perfect to be worthy of love, especially their own?
[00:27:46] Speaker B: I said once again, because our environment, you know, whether it's our parents or social media, the television, paint that picture of the perfect person having the perfect relationship, having the perfect family, having the perfect job, the perfect life, right? So we see that, right? And that's what we want. That's what we desperately want. But they don't see, see behind the scenes, right? Or the true, true picture of them not faking it till they, they're making it right. But they, they don't see that part. Right? And so a lot of times we want to mirror what we see. We want to, we want that so bad. So we try to do things to be perfect, but no one's perfect. Right. We strive for perfection, but we'll never be perfect. We'll be flawless. We can be flawless.
Yeah, right.
[00:28:38] Speaker A: But, but I love that.
[00:28:41] Speaker B: So.
[00:28:41] Speaker A: Right? Yeah, right, Right.
Can you share a story of, you know, someone that you've worked with and a transformation where they went from feeling broken to powerful again when it comes to that love.
[00:29:00] Speaker B: That love. A story.
So I knew this, this woman who have gone through so much in life, was one of my clients, right? From drug abuse to not loving herself to domestic violence.
She just had a hard life. She had a hard life and the root of everything was unworthiness, right. She didn't feel like she was worthy of having a great job, a great life or abundant life.
And I walk with her through her journey and we did practical exercises, breath work, we did journaling, and all the things to help her become that woman. She was an older woman, right. So she had been through a lot in her life and she came to me as a broken woman in every area aspect of her life. Right. She was beaten by police and she didn't Trust, you know, you know, the government, you know, law enforcement. So she just had a lot of pieces that, you know, that she was dealing with. Right. And so we took every aspect of her life and we walked with her through it, and she was able. I saw her transformation, and now she's practicing, you know, these things that, you know, I taught her the breath work, the journaling, the finding her stillness, you know, and to be mindful. Right. And then these. These limiting beliefs that hold us back a lot, that held her back. Now she's able to swap them out, you know, and like, no, get behind me. Limited belief. Yeah. No, I'm worthy. So she know how to. She's more mindful. She know how to bring herself back when she's going down a rabbit hole. Right? That's self awareness.
So. Yeah, good stuff, Good stuff.
[00:30:55] Speaker A: You know, that's great. And I think that, you know, the work that you're doing shows how important it is that we all go through that journey but understand that we can overcome it. And that's the hardest part. When you're in the middle of it, right? You're in the middle of it and you go, oh, my God, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I can't think about this. I can't do this. How am I going to make this work?
And you are providing such useful tools to allow these women just to look at themselves differently. I mean, imagining, you know, abuse, fighting, blood, all these kinds of things to one individual. One life. We're not talking about spread between four or five people. We're talking about one life.
So congratulations to you on supporting your client and getting her through this transformation with practical tools and things that she can continue to do to be successful. Congratulations on that. That's awesome.
[00:31:56] Speaker B: Thank you, thank you, thank you.
[00:31:58] Speaker A: Sure.
No problem. What role does forgiveness, especially of ourselves, play in rebuilding a life with love and purpose and how do we do it?
[00:32:09] Speaker B: So forgiveness is the.
Oh, goodness. It's the foundation of everything, right? Because if you. You can't step into your. Your purpose and passion in life, if, you know, you're walking in unforgiveness and true story.
My mom, I grew up with my mom, who was, you know, substance abuse.
She lived from the south. So, you know, this. The segregation back in the day that she grew up in just her being who she is.
When I say a product of your environment. I was a product of my environment, which, you know, I would go to school and she. Before I would go to school, when I was younger, she would Tell me, hey, don't cause no smoke, go to the back of the classroom, you know, don't raise your hand, just be quiet. All the things. So I kind of live my life, you know, as such. Right. And that was my aha moment. When I did my coaching and therapy, they took me back to that, as to my whys of my fear of public speaking.
But my mom, she had gone through a lot in her life, right?
And she was not able to set boundaries with others. She lived a life of, you know, drugs and alcohol and never got a chance to step on her purpose and passion in life, right. Because of her fears, her self limiting beliefs, her not feeling worthy enough or good enough to live out her purpose and passion in life.
So she's an example of. Yeah.
Of that.
[00:33:53] Speaker A: Wow, that just, that's impactful. And you know, I think the, the testimony here is where you've come from and all that you had to go through, the career that you chose and the things that you did and how you're overcoming them and coming out to shine like a superstar as a coach.
[00:34:14] Speaker B: And Ms. Jesse, thank you. I was going somewhere with that. Can you repeat that question again? Because I was going somewhere with that story. I'm sorry.
[00:34:22] Speaker A: Sure. I got too excited.
Sure.
The question was, what does forgiveness, especially yourselves, play in rebuilding your life and purpose?
[00:34:33] Speaker B: Okay, yes, I was going somewhere with that story. So forgiveness, go ahead. I had to forgive my mom, right? For all the crap that she took me through as a young little girl.
So I had to forgive my mom. But I didn't know what that forgiveness looked like until three years ago.
Three years. Three years ago, I finally forgave my mom because I, once again, it's a feeling, right. I can say all day long, I love you, mom, all the things, right? But I would do that. Get off the phone. Yeah, mom love you, you know, but I love her, but not in this way. This. I, I love talking to my mom every day and I'm texting her if she don't text me first. But it's an action, like you said before, it's. It's an action. Forgiveness is an action.
And I didn't realize that. Like I said four years ago is when I finally had this divine download I'm gonna call it. And I said, wow, I really love my mom, you know, And I just was crying all the things and I just, it was a way that I can't explain. But I know if you experience it, you'll feel it, you, you'll, you'll relate. But that that feeling was. Was. I can't explain it. It's that feeling that surpasses all understanding. It was that feeling.
[00:35:51] Speaker A: Absolutely. And I'm so glad you shared that because forgiveness is for ourselves, because when we hold it within, it's hard.
And so we release it and let it go, then we can allow a relationship to continue, you know, on another trajectory, no matter what that may be. But getting rid of that, that feeling, you know, of, you know, of guilt or not forgiving or whatever those challenges are, that is so powerful. And it speaks directly to the hearts of people who may be feeling that they're too far gone and they can't overcome. So again, audience, if you're looking for a coach that can help you with this self love and overcoming challenges, please look up Tamika Jones.
We're going to take a station break and when we come back, we're going to talk about stepping into your power without apology. We'll be right back.
Welcome back to Ignite.
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Welcome back. And we're gonna go into our final segment and we have Ms. Tamika Jones here and we're back to learn how to step into our full purpose and move forward. I'm so excited about this segment because, you know, you've been talking about purpose, you've been talking about living in your, you know, living in your calling and all of the rest of that so that you're, you're feeling good about yourself, that self love, that hope, those things that you do so well with your clients as you move forward.
So when we're trying to, when we're trying to find that voice and, you know, we're ready to move out of, you know, where we are and finding and shrinking and all of that and truly living our purpose. Question what happens when someone silences themselves for too long emotionally, mentally and physically?
[00:39:02] Speaker B: So that's a good question. I'm glad you asked that question because I lived it, right? I was that person that was silent for way too long. Way too long. And like I said in the episode before that, I grew up in the south, right? My mom is from the south and she grew up during a time of segregation. So she would definitely tell me, you know, and it was all out of love and protection. She would tell me, you know, go to school, be quiet, sit in the back of the class, don't cause no smoke, don't, you know, just go to school. You're going to school to learn not to ask questions, not to do nothing else but just learn. And I kind of lived my life like that, right? And so I feel like I became a mute, you know, especially when I joined the military, I would step outside of myself a little bit and speak up and then I would get not chastised, but I would get. Not even reprimanded. But, you know, my voice wouldn't be heard, right? I felt like my voice wasn't heard. So I would take a step back and go back into my shell again. So I did that throughout my life. Even in relationships, right?
I will speak up, but then something will happen to where I will resort back into my shell and stay silent. So staying silent is. It's not a good thing. We all have a voice and we all have a purpose in life, right? And if it requires you to use your voice, you have to step into that, your passion, you have to step into that and lean into using your voice. Because we all have a voice. And that's what I teach my daughter as well. Like, you have a voice, you know, you use your voice, you know, whatever that person feels on the other side of you using your voice, that's how they feel, right? They're entitled to your feelings. But you use your voice because it carries power and know that you are worthy of that voice, of your voice.
[00:41:03] Speaker A: Well, let me ask you, how did you feel when you were quiet? How did you feel when you shrunk to yourself, when you were silenced? What were those feelings you went through? How did you deal with that?
[00:41:16] Speaker B: So me being quiet or I felt. I felt safe, right? For one, I felt safe, but at the same time I felt unheard. I felt invalidated. I felt once again the worthiness keep coming up, right? Because that. That's.
It's everything, right? Feeling unworthy. And that stems from every. A lot of things.
So just a lot of feelings, a lot of feelings, negative feelings about myself, right?
That I wasn't good enough. I wasn't fast enough, I wasn't smart enough. I wasn't wide enough. You know, all the enoughs that, you know, we. We tell ourselves, right? Or. Or try to paint our. Our narrative right. But we have to learn or we have to believe that we are more than what society tell us or more than what the story that we made up that we told ourselves for a long time.
[00:42:12] Speaker A: And, you know, I think there's two things that you said that are very profound here that you were talking about is that, you know, you were safe, but you had bad emotions, you had bad feelings about where you were, what you were doing, and your progress.
And so it is not uncommon to have those mixed feelings as you're going through this, because that only adds to the dichotomy of, how do I separate this? What do I do? How do I make it better, you know, because I am so stuck.
So when I do find myself in that position, Tamika, how do people find the courage to use their voice and speak their truth? How do you develop that courage?
[00:42:59] Speaker B: You developed it. You develop your courage one step at a time. It doesn't come overnight. Confidence or courage doesn't come out overnight. But you just have to know with. Know that you are more than enough, right? And be willing to step outside of yourself, right? And these fears, you're gonna have fears. But what I've known to tell myself, or what I tell myself and tell my clients as well, the fears are gonna be there. But do it, do it scared. And that's the motto I live by. Do it anyway. Do it scared, right? Because we all have a voice, and we all have a purpose, and we all have a mission in life. So why not do it, do it scared if you have to, but just take the first step. And that's what I did. I took the first step. You know, even with my.
My birthmark, right? I did.
My birthmark is a darker pigmentation on my chest, neck, back, all the things. And all my life, I hid. I hid behind my birthmark, right? I was called leprosy child, blackie, ugly, all the things as a young woman.
So I hid. And even my mom. My mom, you know, had asked me to cover it up. I think we were at a store, and I was trying on a dress, and I took my jacket off, and I'm like, what do you think about this dress? She was like, it's beautiful, but are you going to wear a jacket with that? Right? And she was doing it out of protection, right? Protecting me from society's harsh judgment, right?
But as I start to step out in my power and use my voice right, and not stay stuck.
I began to embrace who Tameka really is. And once I did that, I began to step in my power and my purpose and passion in life.
So now I wear a swimsuit. Now I take the jacket off. Now I wear, you know, tank top. But that didn't come overnight, right? That came 40 plus years later.
[00:44:55] Speaker A: You know, that's. And it's a spirit of growth and, you know, congratulations on that growth and the fact that you love who you are, what you look like, what you stand for, and it's not in judgment of anybody else, right? And if they don't like it, don't look right. If you don't want to be a part of it, don't be a part of my life. But this is who I am and I love me and I love that you've gotten to that point to be able to say, I have transformed and I've made it right in terms of making that happen. And I think that as you were talking about, you know, people trying to speak up, trying to find that courage, that energy, you know, and making yourself feel good, right? And we take it a step at a time. You know, Rome wasn't built in a day. And as we take that step at a time, it can be a small step. And the small things we gotta celebrate, we gotta celebrate those small things so we can continue to take step and the step after that. I love that philosophy that you have, a methodology that you're talking about when you work with your clients.
Can you share a breakthrough story from a client who found their voice and it changed their life?
[00:46:15] Speaker B: Yes.
I keep going back to my. The one client that I had about setting boundaries because her transformation was just so, so amazing. And like I said, she cried because she. All her life she wasn't able to set boundaries or she didn't know how. That's the word. She didn't know how to set boundaries. And through my coaching programs, one of my coaching programs, we go through the flaws. Method F, L, A, W, S.
The F is face your fears. The F. The L is love yourself first. The A is accept and approve of your true authentic self. Be you. Be who God has made you. And in the W and 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, you're walking in your purpose.
So we went through that method, right?
I had her journal. She was journaling, she was doing her breath work, she was doing the stillness work. And like I said, in eight weeks she was able to take that first step in Setting boundaries at work and with her kids and grandkids. So that was an amazing transformation for her, was the whole boundary piece and then once again, knowing her worth. Right, because when you know your worth, you know your time, you know, you people have to respect your time. They have to respect you as a person. So all this falls under the wordiness piece, feeling and being worthy, you know.
[00:47:46] Speaker A: That is a phenomenal testimony. And, you know, the fact that, you know, not all the things that she's gone through and the things that she's overcome and you've been able to share her transformation as she has, you know, moved forward and the positive things that she's done in making that happen.
So, Tamika, that was not only bold and beautiful, but very authentic. And for anybody watching who's ready to stop shrinking and finally say yes to their purpose, how can they connect with you?
[00:48:22] Speaker B: They can connect with me through all things flawless.
So www.flawlesslifecoaching.com is my website.
Social media, Facebook, tick tock, Instagram, LinkedIn are all flawless life coaching.
So you can find me on all of those platforms.
[00:48:43] Speaker A: Fantastic. And I want a copy of that model. I love the model. You talked about moving forward.
[00:48:49] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:48:50] Speaker A: Well, Tamika, thank you for showing us that confidence is not arrogance. It's alignment to.
To ourselves and to move forward and both to people that we're around. You're not staying small. You're growing. You were born to shine, as you said.
And if you've been living in fear, stuck in survival, or wondering if it's too late to start over, this is your sign. It's not.
Start where you are. Speak to yourself with love. Reclaim your time, your voice and your joy. And when doubt creeps in, remember today, remember, Tamika, Remember that your story matters. Thank you so much for joining us on the show. I am your host, Vicki Wright Hamilton. Thank you for joining us on Ignite. Until next time, keep rising, keep shining, and keep walking boldly toward the life you were meant to live.
